State of the Fat Man

My Fellow Fat Folks, I stand before you a somewhat shrunken Fat Man. It feels like we have come a long way, but we are in reality only at the beginning.

Looking back, I see me entering the new Millenium, just over a decade ago, weighing a shocking 0.125 Fat Tons — thats 250 Fat Pounds for those of you whose Fat Fingers are fumbling with your calculators. That was the most I had ever weighed.

Six months prior to the start of the Millenium, I was flat on my Fat Back in the local Emergency Room. My Thin Physician had sent me there with these words, “I don’t want to read about you in the Obituary Pages.” It appeared that at age 42, I may have been having a heart attack. The experience scared me, especially since I was suddenly all wired up with LoJack and had a nitro pill tucked under my tongue. I was so scared, I promised to change my Fat Ways if only I could survive that experience.

It turned out that the new Blood Pressure medication my Thin Physician had just prescribed was having an adverse effect on me — no heart attack. Back to the old meds I went and back to the old ways, too. It took me another six months to realize that that had been just a warning shot and worse things were awaiting me in the future.

Like Ebeneezer Scrooge, I finally understood this was an Epiphany and made the necessay changes to my life. Six months into the new Millenium found me at a svelte 190 pounds — 60 pounds off in six months. I looked like a new Thin Man, and I was. Strict adherence to the Fat Watchers’ Point System Diet plus regular exercise gave me a new look and a new lease on life. But, life has a way of dishing out challenges and the Old Fat Ways slowly began to ingatiate themselves with my New Lean Ways. And they eventually took over, again.

Fat Family 2000

Flash ahead a decade, to the opening days of 2011. My Bathroom Scale regularly groaned from the strain of supporting my Big Fat Body. Two-hundred and ninety (290) Fat Pounds it exclaimed as I stepped on for my New Year’s Weigh-In. That’s 100 Fat Pounds in a decade. And 300 Fat Pounds was staring me in the face, calling me to cross the line.

Fat Family 2011

That extra 100 Fat Pounds was essentially a Mini Fat Me. I had fathered a new Fat Thing on my own Fat Back. Like me, it had Jiggly Thighs and a Big Bouncing Belly. I should have included this Fat Thing on my Annual Fat Tax Returns — taken a deduction for it as one of my Fat Dependents. After all, Mini Fat Me cost the same to maintain as any of my other Fatlings, and weighed way more, too.

But Fat Sam does not see it that way. Fat Sam is only willing to permit deductions for living, breathing seperate entities depedent on a Fat Folk for its existence. Perhaps, I should have tried Liposuctioning Mini Fat Me into a large Fat Jar. At least it would have been separate from me.

Every year that Mini Fat Me hung around on me, I paid higher and higher medical bills. There were all the visits to my Thin Physician. He added many prescriptions to my Daily Dose — “This will help you through, but losing Mini Fat Me would be better.” I began to seek support from other Medicos; that got pricey. Now, I have all those Prescription Meds, Support Supplements, a CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure machine), Mouth Guard, Testosterone Replacement Goop, and a Slightly Stable State of Mind. Ka-ching! The Costs keep mounting.

So, here I am another year older and hopefully a bit wiser. At the end of the first month of the new year, I am 20 Fat Pounds lighter than I was on the last day of the old year. Better still, I am 50 Fat Pounds lighter than I was at the height of my Fat Gain, last year. But, I am still 60 Fat Pounds heavier than I was a decade ago. With nearly as many decades ahead of me as are behind me, I need to take Positive Action to remove all 60 of those remaining Puny Pounds. Go they must!

To get to the Promised Land of Thinness and Sustainable Health, I need your help. Please help me make wise choices when I am in your company. Remind me of the Good Life that awaits me in the Promised Land. Tempt me not with offerings of Abundant Fat Foods. Portion Control not Deprivation. An occasional Treat rather than a Steady Stream of “Goodies”. And be gentle with me and help me back up when I stumble and start to fall back into the Fat Abyss. And, I will do the same for you.

As I look back, I see those 50 Fat Pounds behind me, waving and calling to me to rejoin them. Ahead of me lays a 60 Fat Pound-wide Minefield waiting to break my resolve and send me back to Start. Together, we the Fat Folk of FatLand can beat this Fat Fiend into submission and send it back to the gates of Fat Hell, where it will be fried and served to less well intentioned Fat Folk.

Viva La Thin!

Oh, and one last word — I achieved Kayak (245 Fat Pounds and lower) on January 25, 2012, just 3 days after ending the SP Purification Program Diet. And tomorrow, January 28, 2012, I will celebrate my 55th birthday in a much leaner fashion that in years past.


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